wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
