i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
