Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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