There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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