glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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