He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
