You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
