I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
