Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
