I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
