are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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