I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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