Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
