Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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