his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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