Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
