Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
