my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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