sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Randomize
