very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I FOUND THE LEGS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
