I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
