i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
