I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
