If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
