just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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