im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
