Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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