FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I checked into jail on foursquare
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
