It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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