Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
