well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
