I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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