Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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