i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
