i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
