Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
