who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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