I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize