when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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