I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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