dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
