Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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