And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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