I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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