Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
