there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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