Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
