You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
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So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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