I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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