Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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