the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need water and some morals
Randomize
