you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
