just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
