I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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