Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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