In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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