Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize