Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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