Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
