let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
