Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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