I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
