I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize