so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
