OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
