I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So much rum. So many feels.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
