I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
