OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
