I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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