I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
