In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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