She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
