he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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