New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize