Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
