I cannot find my penis.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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