I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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