I need help removing her.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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