seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
