everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
