I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
