About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
