she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
