Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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