im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
